Attachment

Saw a little girl at KL Sentral washroom yesterday as I was coming back from Times Square. The poor girl wet her pants and the queue in the washroom was rather long. She was afraid to be in the washroom alone, constantly pleading her mom to stay with her. The mother, on the other hand, wanted to leave her to get her a change of clothes.

The little girl had somewhat reminded me of myself when I was little. I was very attached to my mom too. So much so that I could cry at will just by thinking of the possibility that my mom will leave me, a skill which I used to my advantage at certain times.

Fast forward to my elementary and high school years, the attachment somewhat diminished over the time. I started shutting my mom off when I was in high school. The relationship was bad. Our only means of communication was the daily fight. At the lowest point of our relationship, I even stopped fighting altogether and totally shut her off.

Things got much better after I started opening myself to her at the end of my college year. I had always thought that there was a wall between us which gets higher and thicker over the time. Now I realized that this very wall is built by no one else but myself and only I can tear it down. I have been working hard on it and suffice to say, I am happy with the result.

No, I still haven't been able to cry at will. Trying very hard to get the skill back, haha. Anyway, I look hideous when I cry.